a starved artist - to those who have felt the block

A starved artist; ironically one who cannot get out of inside themselves what fills them up so completely. Stuffed to the brim they have to expel in a constipated need for release. And stubborn thought blocks. Astringent is the cat piss disgust for the lack of an incapacitating, revelating, urge creating, tempest elating,   BUrst… of …  …nothing. These words still lack the meaning of my creating and every intention that arises, falls..  .. and it’s hard to catch breath. The sudden sensation of emptiness oxymoronically surges, as if walls are reverberating and everything’s spacing, and there is nothing left to touch because.. A starved artist… bursting with need and yet full of emptying.. emptying.. nothing. There is no cessation to this sensation, this raw nerve expulsion of temptational transaction. .. I’m left limp in subtraction. Is wisdom blind in this abstraction? ...I am hungry with greedy need.

stale air

The air in the office grows stale. And with my heart pattering up in my chest I feel my legs twitch subconsciously towards the door. The calm practical letters on paper are no longer pacifying my burgeoning need. Like constant whispers itching to be heard, the wind blows in through the door teasing my senses with the scents of possibility. My hair swirls, pulling me, but I am latched to the table beneath the weight of this responsibility.

I want to eat ALL the food.

Kinda having one of those moments where I'd like to be as fat as freaking possible. I want to eat ALL the food.

This is when my taste buds starts negotiating with my brain..

"Listen, I know we're not EXACTLY hungry. But, we DO need to eat. And, well, you haven't eaten in hours right? So lets think this through. We SHOULD eat now. I mean, we don't want to pass out from hunger, do we? And, c'mon, what's the harrrrrm in indulging just a little?

Okay. Okay, okay I know. We did indulge yesterday. But, really, that was only a little. Just a touch, really. And, we can always start tomorrow; that 'proper' diet you keep nagging about? We already did it for a week. So obviously we're capable of committing. Let's start that again tomorrow. But tonight, let's relaxx. Last time, I promise.

And you know I'm absolutely certain of the scientific proof that if you shove as much crap into you in a short a time as possible, only a tiny amount actually affects your body. The rest gets pooped out, right? The body simply can't absorb that much. It's fact. Of course it's fact. So, if we're gonna do it - eat something delicious - we should do it now. Especially since this is the last time and all. Last chance.

So, you see? It's so clear. We need food; it's been a few hours. And since we've already indulged a little, it's better to just finish up the trend because we won't even absorb it if we happen to accidentally overindulge just a squidgum more. AND!!!! .. And, we'll start our proper eating habits tomorrow! Right!? We WILL!

See?? Such a winning scenario. C'mon.... pick up that phone..... order that delivery... c'monnnnn... you know it's the right choice."

***

And all the while your body is nodding along with the air-headed precision of a stoned and starved orphan and conveniently decides NOT to pipe in with any comments about how quality over quantity will make a huge difference in all scenarios presented. Ie, you'd feel a shit-ton better if you just ate something healthy and delicious.

Goddamn taste buds and body.

...

...

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Fuck, I think I've just convinced myself to order delivery.