Saturday, June 27, 2015

7 years... Today's tears and tomorrows victories.

7 years ago this evening....

You know, I try hard to make my lifeaversary a celebratory thing. I'm the kinda gal that likes to dust herself off, and move on. I think it's pointless to dwell on things you can't change, and even more pointless to swim in misery for the things you can.

Sometimes, though, that's not so easy.

So, for today, I think I'm gonna allow myself a little bit of feelin shitty. I think I might cry a little, too. Yup, sure am. Oh, hello salty tears, thought you'd come by for a visit mm? Stay a little while and wallow with me. I think it's okay, today.

Sometimes shit just fucking sucks. I still remember a body that could do anything I reasonably asked of it. And although I've done a lot of moving on, I still miss it. I can't seem to stop myself, today, from remembering when my body still fully worked. It's like a sharp dagger from the past, slinking through the depths of time to pierce this armor I've built for myself, poking holes that allow me to see with a strange sort of clairty what I 'once was'.  - The young woman who ran the length of long beach in Tofino, who climbed mountains in Spain, who had unstoppable passion and verve and had the ability to fully express it. The young woman who chose to walk to Granville Island from the skytrain just because it felt good and took the 5 flights of stairs up to work because she enjoyed the feeling. The young woman who kinda felt like she could do anything she put her mind to.

I've come a long way, I know... I'm proud of the person I've managed to etch out of a challenging situation - a person who in large part remains quite independent, and still finds as much laughter in life as she can.

The thing is, today, I morn for the past... I do. I can't seem to stop. Maybe that's what today is for.

Tomorrow I'm taking part in a 5k charity challenge that supports Spinal Cord Injury BC. I won't be able to run it, no, and maybe won't even be able to walk the entire distance.. but I'm going to try. And I'll be surrounded by other people who will be incredibly supportive and caring.

Maybe today is the day for tears.

And tomorrow will be for victories.

Saturday, June 20, 2015

Musings: an ephemeral hug

Sometimes I wish, in some magical way, you could know when someone is thinking about you. That you could turn on some psychic switch, like going online, and open yourself up to their thoughts. That way, no matter the time, the distance, no matter the reason for loneliness, you could know that you are connected - you could feel connected. Lit up in the comfort of connection in any space or time. An ephemeral hug that spans any barrier.

I think that would be beautiful.

Thursday, June 18, 2015


A tip I recently discovered:

"Did you know... To remove garlic odour from your hands, rinse with lemon juice or scrub with salt and then rinse with cold water."


omnomnomngh could smell that ambrosia all day.

poetry - it still looks a little raw

duct tape across my mouth
tight bindings that chafe and burn
salt tingling, drops of yearning

I look down at the space between my breasts
jaws clench in muted frustration
it still looks a little raw

my fingers fiddle with a lip of tape about my wrists
a fault in my bindings that I've worked free
and can undo

I consider that...

this space is uncomfortable
begs for fulfulment
no amount of denial, of persistence,
of repeating that the bare walls are beautiful as they are
changes the reality that I want this place different.

If only that paint were a different colour

And I wasn't fucking tied up.

Monday, June 15, 2015

Help me TurtleDance through 5k's for SCI-BC!

I'm working hard to reach my goal! I hope you can help!

On June 28th, I'm participating in the 2015 Scotiabank Charity Challenge at the Scotiabank Vancouver Half Marathon & 5k while raising funds for Spinal Cord Injury BC.

7 years ago, on June 27th, I was in a car accident that left me completely paralyzed. I had broken my neck. I was told I had a 10% chance to walk again, and that no one really knew how much I would gain back. By some miracle, I spent only 5 weeks at VGH, and a comparably short time of 7 weeks at GF Strong physical rehabilitation centre. I walked out. (Well, limped :p)

This date is rather special to me. I call it my "Lifeaversary". The anniversary of the day I almost died, but lived instead. To celebrate I am going to walk the entire 5k in support of an organization that helps people with spinal cord injuries adjust, adapt, and thrive. This cause is close to my heart, for they've helped me in so many ways too.

I can tell you that any help is invaluable to a person learning to deal with, and continues to live with, a spinal cord injury. SCI-BC is a non-profit organization that helps people post injury adjust to their new lives by providing resources to adaptive options such as sports, housing, vehicles, community activities, peer support.. you name it. The doctors kept us alive, SCI-BC helps us LIVE again.

Please help me walk those 5k's... it won't be easy, (holy doodle it won't be easy!!) but I want to accomplish it!

Thank you so much for your generosity and support. It is so appreciated and valued. Any amount helps! Please don't be shy to donate any amount you can. It all adds up!!

And if I reach my goal, I promise to do a turtle dance at the finish line!!!!

You can help support me by making a secure online donation using your credit card. Click on the link below:!SolicitationID)&LangPref=en-CA&EID=154764

 All pledges will receive an official tax receipt.

For more information on how YOU can participate in the 2015 Scotiabank Charity Challenge at the Scotiabank Vancouver Half Marathon & 5k, please visit us at

Thanks for your support!

If you are having trouble viewing the above web address, copy & paste the entire URL into the address bar of your browser.

Saturday, June 6, 2015

The joy of older buildings

So... a bit of back story: A while back the pipes burst in the basement floor of my 1920's apartment building. Not so surprising I suppose. Fortunately, I live on the top floor, as every tenant in the basement had to be evicted in order to correct the problem. This involved months of construction, including a plywood obstacle course that corralled the imagination into thinking of pit traps as one stumbled to the laundry room.

June 1st rolls around and yayyyy... the downstairs floor has tenants again. Good for you apartment building!

The problem, however, is that someone has moved in with what I'm pretty sure is a young puppy (or a very soprano dog) who does NOT like being left alone... and is left alone often.

Now, you might be thinking, "But, Kristina, you said that this puppy is on the bottom floor and you live on the top! There's a whole level of suites in between you! You must be crazy."

And to that I reply, "Oh, dear friend, I wish."

My building is beautiful, charming, and quirky... and also full of ancient technology. Instead of bathroom fans to cast out steam (and other such gasly bathroom tendencies), there is a window which leads to a sort of chimney, (which I've labeled thus for lack of knowledge of the correct term). This chimney of bathroom air connects all three floors for our steam (ahem) releasing contentment.

This also connects all three floors with a tunnel of soundly love.

So.. there it is.. it now sounds like there is a puppy constantly yipping and whimpering in my bathroom. And I can't even cuddle the damn thing.


Update: June 7th 2015
Just walked downstairs to the laundry room to find a woman patiently waiting outside her door, trying to train her puppy to be quiet.

Faith in humanity restored. Go great dog owners go!!

Friday, June 5, 2015

Do you ever lick your plate at the end of a meal?

Do you ever lick your plate at the end of a meal? You know, peek around, make sure no nosey eyes are there to witness, (even the ones outside of your own home), lift the weight of your dishware, and start lapping up the last of your exquisitely delicious meal?


Just me?

I mean.. haha.. I so don't do that.