Saturday, June 27, 2015

7 years... Today's tears and tomorrows victories.

7 years ago this evening....

You know, I try hard to make my lifeaversary a celebratory thing. I'm the kinda gal that likes to dust herself off, and move on. I think it's pointless to dwell on things you can't change, and even more pointless to swim in misery for the things you can.

Sometimes, though, that's not so easy.

So, for today, I think I'm gonna allow myself a little bit of feelin shitty. I think I might cry a little, too. Yup, sure am. Oh, hello salty tears, thought you'd come by for a visit mm? Stay a little while and wallow with me. I think it's okay, today.

Sometimes shit just fucking sucks. I still remember a body that could do anything I reasonably asked of it. And although I've done a lot of moving on, I still miss it. I can't seem to stop myself, today, from remembering when my body still fully worked. It's like a sharp dagger from the past, slinking through the depths of time to pierce this armor I've built for myself, poking holes that allow me to see with a strange sort of clairty what I 'once was'.  - The young woman who ran the length of long beach in Tofino, who climbed mountains in Spain, who had unstoppable passion and verve and had the ability to fully express it. The young woman who chose to walk to Granville Island from the skytrain just because it felt good and took the 5 flights of stairs up to work because she enjoyed the feeling. The young woman who kinda felt like she could do anything she put her mind to.

I've come a long way, I know... I'm proud of the person I've managed to etch out of a challenging situation - a person who in large part remains quite independent, and still finds as much laughter in life as she can.

The thing is, today, I morn for the past... I do. I can't seem to stop. Maybe that's what today is for.

Tomorrow I'm taking part in a 5k charity challenge that supports Spinal Cord Injury BC. I won't be able to run it, no, and maybe won't even be able to walk the entire distance.. but I'm going to try. And I'll be surrounded by other people who will be incredibly supportive and caring.

Maybe today is the day for tears.

And tomorrow will be for victories.

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